While a study from the Journal of Marriage and Family does argue that the strain and burden of having kids tends to spark stress and emotional turmoil for young parents, the truth is that later in life, parents dealing with natural disconnect from adult children and life shifts experience a similar level of turmoil, even if it manifests differently. They're coping with loneliness, trying to find themselves after shifting away from a parenting identity, and grappling with aging, all without the security of being "needed" by their kids to the same degree as when they were young.
Of course, everyone grapples with these changes differently, with many coping healthily and finding joy in the newness of their routine. However, if your parents have these certain habits, they're likely not doing great right now. While these coping mechanisms and misguided habits may provide a fleeting sense of distraction or comfort, in the long run, chances are they'll be stuck in a cycle of loneliness, frustration, and inner turmoil.
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If your parents are spending too much time on their phones or behind a screen, chances are they're not doing great right now. Many people rely on the distraction of their phones or social media for a sense of solace from loneliness or inner chaos, not realizing that it keeps them stuck in a cycle of turmoil.
Especially if they're doomscrolling or indulging in mindless entertainment in the early morning or before bed -- when many people grapple with their feelings of loneliness most intensely -- chances are it's not just their mental health that's affected, but also the quality of their rest. According to a study from Sleep Science, the overstimulation of screen time around sleep cycles overloads the brain with information and causes many disruptions to natural sleep patterns.
So, it's not just about isolating from in-person social connections, but coping with loneliness in ways that only keep them feeling more alone and emotionally chaotic.
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Especially with age, following healthy eating patterns and dietary habits is so important for healthy mental and physical health. Yet, many older parents struggling to cope with life changes and loneliness rely on food for a sense of comfort -- ordering takeout, eating junk food, or steering clear of healthy eating patterns.
In some cases, these behaviors are fueled by a lack of care. They tell themselves things like, "I don't care what I look like anyway," or "I've spent my whole life dieting" as scapegoats for their avoidance of healthy, balanced eating. While these changes in eating habits, specifically indulging in comfort foods, may provide a momentary boost of mood, in the end, it's only feelings of guilt and internal disarray that follow.
While going to bed early to wake earlier, as many aging people do, or to get more rest, is perfectly acceptable and healthy, if your parent is using their bedtime as an escape from reality, chances are they're not doing great right now.
To truly cope with internal emotional struggles and move forward in a healthy manner, avoidance isn't the answer. Not only does it exacerbate present issues, but it also tends to introduce more stress and strain into an aging person's life, at least according to a study from the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.
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The National Institute on Aging suggests that memory struggles and shifts in cognitive functions are relatively natural for people as they get older. However, there's a threshold for these kinds of struggles that can help define when it's a "problem."
According to experts from Harvard Health, many people dealing with depression and other mental health issues tend to struggle with cognitive functions like memory. So, while misplacing things and forgetting small details can be chalked up to aging to some capacity, it could also be a sign that your parents aren't doing great right now emotionally.
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Whether it's staying in their pajamas all day or overlooking basic hygiene routines, parents who are struggling with loneliness, isolation, or depression may opt out of "getting ready" for a sense of misplaced, misguided comfort at home.
Of course, this kind of shift is often associated with depressive symptoms, but it could also be a sign that an aging person is suffering from loneliness -- without anywhere to go, why get ready? Yet, you'd be astounded by how powerful it is for self-confidence, productivity, and mood it is to simply do your hair or put on an outfit that's not your pajamas, even if you're staying home all day.
Of course, setting boundaries with social plans and spending time alone can be productive for mental health, but for people who self-isolate to misguidedly cope with internal struggles, it's risky. Not only does it keep people stuck in a lonely spiral, but it also keeps them from seeking support from other people.
If your parents have these isolating habits and are spending most of their time at home, they're likely not doing great right now.
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If a person feels hopeless in their current reality or stuck in a spiral of bad habits, chances are that planning for and talking about the future is the last thing they want to do. Not only does it seem impossible when they're stuck in sadness or depression to get out of it, despite the inevitability that they will with time, but it's also a struggle to conceptualize.
So, if you notice your parents are living solely in the present, or maybe in the past, without considering their future well-being, they're likely not doing great right now.
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A study from the Biopsychosocial Journal Science and Medicine found that leisure time activities and hobbies are often associated with better mental and emotional health. Yet, when someone starts to struggle with mental health concerns that take up most of their internal coping mechanisms and energy, it's these "non-necessary" habits that are sacrificed first.
So, if you notice your parents are withdrawing from these things that they used to enjoy and distracting themselves with scrolling or sleeping in exchange, chances are they're likely not doing great right now.
According to a study from Aging & Mental Health, phone calls and connectedness through online communication are often tools for older individuals at risk for developing loneliness to stay in touch with their loved ones. They make more phone calls with adult kids out of the house and stay connected to friends through social media, all to protect themselves from feeling isolated at home.
However, if your parents are calling more often or even resorting to guilt-tripping tendencies to see you more often, they're likely not doing great right now.
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If your parents are suddenly talking more often about the past, bringing up nostalgic memories, and adopting a more sentimental narrative socially, it could be a sign that they're not doing great right now. They're not appreciating the past, but longing for it as an escape from the present.
Especially alongside already-present feelings of loneliness and isolation, nostalgia can very quickly amplify negative emotions and leave people stuck in a state of hopelessness that's hard to get out of.
While asking for help is uncomfortable for most of us, regardless of emotional health and age, many parents struggling internally avoid it out of fear of being a burden. They know how exhausting and draining dealing with their loneliness or emotional well-being is, so they fear placing it on another person -- let alone their own kids, whom they feel pressured to protect.
According to a study from Aging & Mental Health, fearing being a burden is common for anxious and depressed aging parents, especially in their own families. They retreat, amplifying their symptoms, without ever addressing their need for support.
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